sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
