I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
