Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
