I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Welp...herpes.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
