I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
