would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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