The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize