Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We left the knife in your bed.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
