I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
