I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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