I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
