Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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