Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
