Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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