Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
