Don't you send me to vm
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
