So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
