Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
