The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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