I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
