I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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