i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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