its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
