The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
