I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
