im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
