my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
