no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Randomize
