I think my vagina is haunted
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
