my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
