and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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