lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
