Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
