She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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