and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
