he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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