I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
His nipple licking is glorious
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