Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
