Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
