I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
