what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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