I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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