he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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