So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
