Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
