Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize