i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
