I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
