OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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