my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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