we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
