shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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