I can text with my tongue
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
