and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm too high and old for this...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
