i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
