What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
