Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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