i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
