i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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