I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
