I want to walk on stilts...naked
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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