he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
