I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
