I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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