Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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