Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize