I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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